Wednesday Writing Wisdom (18) George Orwell

“Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout with some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.”

George Orwell

(1903 - 1950)
Curious facts about:

Born as Eric Arthur Blair he changed his name (allegedly because he was concerned for his parent's reputation) to George Orwell. "George" was taken from the King and "Orwell" from the river of that name. Another reason for “Orwell” was because he wanted a name that started with a letter in the middle of the alphabet. Why? Because, as he stated in a letter to bookseller Louis Simmonds, it allowed for his books to be placed in the middle shelf in bookstores. Not too high, where customers can’t see and not too low where he would be near the customer’s feet.

"Animal Farm" is an allegorical satire of the Russian Revolution of October 1917 and, above all, of how things went badly wrong under Stalin in the Soviet Union. The Party was all powerful and literally watched over Winston Smith's (and everyone's) every move and even his thoughts. He tries to rebel and escape, but the Party drag him back and re-indoctrinate him into the system. Written over 50 years ago the more astute social observer may see some evidence today of where Orwell thought we were heading.

 Orwell WAS an atheist. He identified as one. But he also still hung onto the traditions of the Church of England, and many of his morals were Christian-based. He was also quite superstitious. While in a Wallington church yard, he could have sworn he saw a ghost. He had  the belief that people could do secret black magic on a person’s name—another reason he chose a pen name. In his early Eton days, he and a schoolmate created a voodoo doll out of soap of an older kid they felt bullied them. The kid would end up breaking his leg and, later, dying of cancer. Orwell felt guilty about this fact for the rest of his life. In Burma, he got small blue circles tattooed on his knuckles to ward off bad luck.

Wednesday Writing Wisdom (17) Sylvia Plath

“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”

Sylvia Plath
 (1932 - 1963)
Curious facts about:

She published her first poem, “Poem,” in the Boston Herald in 1941. She was nine years old! At twelve, her IQ was recorded at around 160 (certified genius, literally).

The way in which Plath structured the events evolving her suicide were extremely time sensitive and IF they had taken place the way she had planned them to she would have been found in time. Previously to that morning (February 11, 1963), Plath had spoken to her downstairs neighbor and found out his plans that day. Knowing when he was planning to leave his home, she left a note for him to call her doctor and placed her head into her gas oven. Her plan fell apart because the gas seeped downstairs and knocked the neighbor out as well.

Plath wrote a book of nonsense poems for children. Called The Bed Book, the volume comprised a series a poems about different kinds of beds. This was only published posthumously, in 1976. As with most classic children’s books, The Bed Book was written for the amusement of the author’s own children. The original British edition was illustrated by Quentin Blake, best known for providing the distinctive illustrations to many of Roald Dahl’s books for children.

When Plath received a $2,080 novel-writing fellowship associated with publishers Harper & Row, she must have thought that publication was a sure thing. But Harper & Row rejected The Bell Jar, calling it "disappointing, juvenile and overwrought." While British publisher William Heinemann accepted the book, Plath still had trouble finding an American publisher. “We didn’t feel that you had managed to use your materials successfully in a novelistic way,” one editor wrote.

Guest Promo (CI) Ionia Martin

  It's my greatest delight to present you one of my first and greatest cyber friends and ardent supporters of my writing, coming all the way from the United States, who has her roots in Romania. I prepared this post as a surprise for her. She's a shy, modest person, though multi-talented and a compassionate and generous soul. Let's give a a big hand to  
                             Ionia Martin. 
                            She shares with us her novel, a bodice-ripper parody :

                         Plundering the Romance Novel

Description: A silly, satirical romp into the land of romance novels and pirate adventures, full of romance clichés and humor. This book is a short novella, just over 10k words.

Have you ever wondered what goes on in the minds and hearts of romance novel heroes and heroines? No? Good, because this book won't be helpful with that at all.

If romance clichés drive you mad and you like Monty Python style humour, this may be the perfect book for you.

From the twisted mind of a sometimes writer and lifelong reader, you are certain to have less brain cells than you started with after reading this book.

Captain Stormy is the typical romance hero/villain archetype. He follows the Romance Hero Handbook to the letter, but he is about to figure out that nothing in his guidebook is going to prepare him for the trials he's about to face.

Uncooperative heroines, lack of treasure, severely delayed sex scenes, a missing crew and an old man's butt cheeks later, Stormy has a story to tell you.

Even pirates have bad days.

*contains some mature themes and language

 Buy link: Amazon

Excerpt:

“Should we not be doing something? Surely characters in a romance cannot just stand around on board a ship all day long making eyes at one another. Don’t you have a map of buried treasure or a key that opens a treasure chest or something to point us in some kind of direction?” asked Candy, looking around her at the storm brewing overhead. The storm was made possible by our sponsors, Pointless Pancakes. They were too broke to offer up a real storm, so the characters will now spend a minute or two yelling boom! While attempting to make rain noises.

“I have neither a map, nor a key, miss,” Captain V.D. announced, as he tossed the map and key he was holding into the ocean. “I am not one of those clichéd pirates that female authors put in their high-seas themed smut books.”

“Boom!” replied Candy.

“That scene has ended. It’s time to move on to the part where you see my sensitive side and fall helplessly in love with me.”

Candy looked him up and down. She wondered why the 1500’s seemed to be such a popular theme in romance. Didn’t authors know that deodorant had not been invented yet and soap was more of a luxury than a prerequisite? She could smell him from 11 and ¼ feet away and she was pretty sure that if she moved even farther away, she would still be able to. She wrinkled her nose. That’s what characters do when something smells bad, apparently.

Stormy looked overhead at the clear blue sky and thought about how inconsistencies in romance novels can really kill a story. He ran a hand through his closely cropped red hair and jumped a little when a thunder blast struck overhead. He admired Candy from far enough away that he hoped she wouldn’t be able to smell him. His hopes were obviously in vain, as she was covering her nose with one of those pointless decorative fans that women of the era liked to carry.

This girl is an odd one, he thought. She wasn’t particularly difficult to talk to, as women were supposed to be. She didn’t try to run from him, of course, at this point in the story he was too tired to chase her anyway and she did not seem to be the slightest bit in need of rescuing. He was wondering how he was going to rescue her from danger even though he was the one who originally kidnapped her and put her in danger in the first place, when something happened that changed both of their fortunes. A seagull flew overhead and dropped a coin. One of them was about to be a coin richer.

They both scrambled across the deck after the coin (it is so annoying when an author keeps using the same word over and again.) Crashing into one another and falling to the deck, they watched as the coin rolled away down to a grate and nearly tipped inside. Captain Ahab, I mean, Captain V.D., flared into a pyre of burning temper. “Dammit woman! That coin could make all the difference right now! I’m going to go get it and you stay here! Stay put! I’m not kidding,” he reminded her, pointing his index finger in her face.

Suddenly Candy began to behave exactly as a romance heroine does, and burst out into a flood of enormous tears and began to sob and wail and sniffle and sniff and cry and moan and snuffle and weep and then the author ran out of synonyms. Naturally, this made Stormy feel terrible, so he took her chin and lifted it so he could look deeply into her eyes and convey his silent apology. “I’m Sorry,” he said, not silently at all, still keeping an eye on the coin perched precariously at the edge of the grate. Pirate.

Candy continued to carry on for a moment, before trying to pull away and hide her tear-stained face, because no romance heroine wants to admit that they do the ugly cry. Candy continued to wriggle and struggle against his firm grasp. (Why he would grasp her firmly on the chin is another matter entirely.)

“I didn’t mean to upset you. I will go get the coin and once I have the coin I will allow you to hold the coin until we get to wherever the author decides we are going and then I will use the coin to buy you something pretty, after I buy myself a drink, with the coin. If there’s enough left from the coin, I mean.

Candy dried her cheeks upon her skirts and stared up at him, eyes still glistening. “Stop saying ‘coin’” she said in a trembling voice. “It is annoying the fuck out of me.”

Captain felt his heart do a flip flop. She swore like a sailor. Sexy.

Bio:

My name is a Ionia Martin. I am a writer, a reader, a musician, a photographer and a mother. I am also a book reviewer/blogger and love to read books of many genres/styles and varieties. I love discovering new voices in literature.

I am also a dedicated scholar of Colonial America with a focus on the period from mid to late seventeenth century.

I'm currently working on writing a series of comedy books that spoof the various genres of literature (as well as some historical events) and point out common pitfalls in genre fiction. When I'm not working on those, I'm devoting my time to reading, and the study of Colonial America. (Yes, I can be serious once in a while, but who wants to make a career out of that?)

I love to travel and explore new places to get ideas for my books. I also have a lot of fun on my blog, Readful Things. Hope to see you there!

I've got four little boys who keep me pretty busy and my ten year old son is already practicing his own book writing skills (uh-oh.) I love hearing your thoughts and opinions on my work, be they positive or negative.

--Ionia

Author links:

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  If you want a laugh get this book which is silly cheap, $1.23, and check if there are any missing romance tropes.